Legends of the Guardians: ‘The Owls of Ga’Hool’

Posted on 02. Dec, 2010 by in FYI

The following is a result of a bet gone wrong. Hope you like the review of the worlds greatest movie that combines Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Every Disney ever made, and a Rudy for good measure. In short: EPIC.

Legends of the Guardians: ‘The Owls of Ga’Hool’

aka: The owl that couldn’t fly to a place that didn’t exist in a time frame that seemed impossible

1 Legends of the Guardians: ‘The Owls of Ga’Hool’

Not 15 seconds into the movie, and we hear the following response to the Guardians not being real:

‘Dad, have you ever seen a guardian?….. Dad’s response: ‘Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It’s like feeling something with your gizzard. Through our gizzards, the voices of the ages whisper to us.”

And with our gizzards strong and the voices of the ages whispering to us, the stage was set, the journey was about to begin.

Our two main characters are Owl brothers Soren and Kludd. Quickly we find out who the good brother  (Soren, who yes is more attractive and has whiter feathers) and who the bad brother was (Kludd, who has darker feathers and scars on his face… profiling will be a key ingredient in this movie the entire time). One night, while branching, Soren and Kludd sneak out of the tree to try and learn to fly. All of a sudden (not really, you could see it from a mile away), they slip on a branch and drop to the dreaded ground. It was frightening when they dropped to the ground on their first flying lesson because they didn’t know how to fly. If you don’t believe, check out the following quote:

Kluud says: ‘The ground is the worst place to be for an owl, we shouldn’t be here.’ (Insert Fear)

Out of nowhere, they are attacked by a tasmanian devil and then captured by owls working for the evil Metalbeak (Metalbeak was what these writers came up with?!!? Really, that was what they came up with after endless hours of writing a film?) And his mate Nyra (Helen Mirra anyone!!!)

What was a simple mistake by two brothers to sneak out at night, quickly turned (and I mean in 3 minutes they went from in their home talking about the Guardians to all the way to some distant lands as Owl slaves) into a nightmare!!!  It was here in the new Evil Owl land that, the brothers show their true colors. Soren (the white one) stands up for another owl who is receiving unfair treatment (who is smaller, cuter, and a girl… so continue the profiling). When he was sent to be a dread Picker (you don’t even want to know what that is) the Evil Queen Owl (that’s her name people, not a description. The writers literally called her the ‘Evil Queen Owl’) ask Kludd if Soren was his brother (The viewer is waiting for a response..…….. wait for it……. Wait for it………hold…… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! )Kludd renounces his family and chooses to be with the ‘pure ones.’

**I thought about turning this movie off at this time because, what was the purpose of living when such evil is taking place!… This was truly a dark time in Owl country (again, no fancy names like Middle Earth… just good ol Owl Country). ***

Just when you think all hope is lost, our heroines were saved by the most unlikely of heroes, an evil owl who’s not really evil. But that’s a villain you say? Oh yes, my friends. Those are the types of turns (and lazy writing skills) that you should expect in this movie.

So, the evil owl saves them and tells them to fly as far as they can to go get the Guardians. (note: 2 seconds ago, they couldn’t fly and they are asked to fly across owl country.) The following exchange occurs as they start their flight and realize they are flying:

Soren (guy owl) asks his friend(the little cute owl girl): ‘Does it feel the way you thought it would?’…… with a large smile on her face: ‘No! It feels much better.’ Ummm…… THIS IS A KID MOVIE PEOPLE!

The journey to the guardians has begun. Right before they make their journey, they come across the classic ‘wise, old, kind of goofy/humorous character to give the needed pep talk before the long journey. – (See Rafiki in the Lion King, Yoda in Star Wars, Mr. Miagi in Karate Kid, The Clock in Beauty in the Beast, — give me a break here, I am watching a Disney movie so I am coming up with Disney comparisons)

A long and arduous journey this was set out to be. They were to ‘fly as far on land as they could go until they reach the great Sea of Hoolemere, then fly until they couldn’t flap their wings anymore and at that very point, they were going to be halfway there…. (Please remember that 5 minutes ago in this movie, they literally couldn’t fly at all… like at ALL!!!)  It turns out that it was like a 2 minute journey. (No really, I rewound it to check, it took them 1:42 seconds… That seems oddly short but again, miracles happen in owl country). They finally made it. They were at ‘The Great Tree of Ga’hoole’ and were in the midst of the Guardians. The problem now was the Guardians didn’t believe Soren’s story of horror. Soren’s only chance was the Guardians and now they didn’t believe him, it was truly heartbreaking. Before long, they decide to go and see for themselves. What they found was a bunch of ‘moon-blinked’ owls doing the bidding of the ‘pure ones.’ Before long, a great battle ensued where old enemies battled against one another and family members became the fiercest rivals. Our hero Soren literals flies through fire, storms, and battle (oh yeah, they weren’t going to let him come bc he was going to die within seconds of battle) to kill the evil Metalbeak and his older brother Kludd. The movie ends with Soren flying back to his home tree and being surrounded by his family and friends – counting the Guardians among them. The Owl kingdom is safe at last.  (Although there is GREAT speculation amongst us fans if Kludd is actually dead or if he is going to become the next great Evil Owl and his brother Soren will have to become the next great Guardian!)

So let’s recap the movie:

At first people didn’t even think the Guardians existed. The owl that couldn’t fly to a place that didn’t exist in a time frame that seemed never ending occurred within minutes. That same owl was believed to be the wimpiest owl in owl country and ended up destroying the evil metalbeak, his brother, and the entire army by himself? Yep, it was a classic!

Quotes:

A motivation speech took place… very heartwarming. And I quote: ‘The only way out is to fly, but we can’t fly. ……. Soren responds: ‘Not yet we can’t. But every chance we get, we will stretch our wings.’’

Metalbeak (with yes, a metal beak/helmet) gives a powerful speech to his warriors (who all have miniature Metalbeak helmets now) . He says:

“I stand before you! Oh yes, I am not a myth. I am REAL… I am a PURE ONE! I… AM…. METALBEAK!!!’ …..KIDS BEWARE, METALBEAK IS REAL!!! And that is when the nightmares began.

Notes:

To be ‘Moon-blinked is to be hypnotized.’ (Apparently ‘moon-blinked’ was the best nickname they could come up with for being hypnotized)

Classic likeability move…. Every owl has an Australian accent. Only one owl did not (I looked this stat up).
This movie had direct quotes or plot copy from the following movies: Harry Potter, Wizard of Oz, Chronicles of Narnia, Life is Beautiful, Lord of the Rings, Hitler, Willow, Every Disney EVER created, Avatar, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Star Wars, and Rudy. Every single movie here should be suing The Legends of the Guardians.
The budget for this film was 80 million?!?!?! Did they spend 79 million on 3D glasses? The writing was worth about $20 bucks. (For those wondering, it grossed $59 million so far)
They kept speaking about feeling through… having a strong…. and believing in your gizzard. My question is: what the crap is a Gizzard?  Wikipedia gives us an insight? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gizzard
Also, a gizzard is the Stars Wars comparison to ‘The Force.’ At the climax of the movie, our hero owl looks at his friend who states: ‘You can’t fly into fire… I have to, I have to trust my gizzard.’ – very dramatic

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  • spoon

    Brilliant. Now I don’t have to watch this awful movie

  • owl lover

    how can you bag this movie its awesome loosers

  • super NEO

    This is absolutely the most visually stunning piece of animated work I have ever seen. The director Zack Snyder did a great job on the film. But it was like he was constricted due to the fact that this was supposed to be a family movie.
    I’ve heard it said, this really isn’t a kids movie and this isn’t really an adults movie.
    I have a couple of suggestions that would really help this otherwise exemplary piece of work as well as any sequels that may be in the works.
    The first thing is, it would have been great if the movie would have been a bit longer. An extra half hour would have worked wonders for character and plot development. You don’t need to worry about kids sitting still for two hours with a story that’s interesting.
    Secondly, Just about every movie in existence, that has been produced now days, has an extended, unrated, non theatrical version on the DVD. The action scenes could be a lot more detailed and graphic in such a version.
    I’m not sure who to contact with this, so I’m going to post this to a few of the major blogs out there and hope there is someone listening that can get these suggestions to those that really matter and can put them into action.

    • spoon

      Thanks for your insight super NEO. I’m eagerly looking for the release of the unrated version of Owls and all the bloodshed.